Wouldn't you rather be a Pirate
by Allauhna
Summary: Five friends try to prevent the destruction of ME and their own world, and by the term 'try' I mean 'think about it some'. Read, review if you please. I'll be happy and joyful.
1. A Night to Remember

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When it all comes down to it wouldn't you rather be a Pirate?

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Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor do I own Rocky Horror Picture show. Blah blah blah 

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Summary: Five friends try to get home and stop an evil power from rising in their own world. Or at least that's what they told me, it could be about vampyrically undead chickens trying to take over the blood drive and stealing the ring to do so.

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Additional Notes: This has nothing to do with Pirates of the Caribbean, alas. I wrote this before the movie came out. I wrote this story earlier but I didn't like it so I rewrote it and came up with this. Please review, it feeds me.

This story is dedicated to the club…When it all comes down to it wouldn't you rather be a Pirate?…really it's a true bonified club.

Xaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxa

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A Night to Remember

The June gloom had taken over the Southern California city of Long Beach. It was almost midnight and the fog was rolling in off the sea. The air was cool and wet and smelled of salt and the light purple flowers of the Jacaranda tree. The streets were almost empty as a shiny black '66 Falcon sped down toward the East side. Inside the car, sitting on the blood red interior were three girls, Choo, Nat, and Kat.

Choo drove the car; her extremely thick dark brown hair fell past her shoulders as she fixed a curling strand in her face. Next to her sat Kat and in the backseat was Nat.

" I so can't breathe in this," Nat whined, referring to the black bodice she wore over a loose cream shirt.

" Ha, ha," Choo laughed at her, " You should've bought one like mine, loser." She gestured to the black and red bodice she wore which laced up three places in the front with red satin laces.

" I would've but I don't have ninety-one dollars," Nat pouted. Choo laughed at her again.

" Then get one like mine," Kat said smiling. Her bodice, if one could call it that, was a bright orange top, cut very high with safety pins holding it shut tight.

" Yea, I could do that, but I can't work the corner of PCH and Cherry yet," Nat stated.

Kat stuck out her tongue and adjusted the bright pink fishnet top she had on under the makeshift bodice. While she smoothed out the short yellow and green polka dot skirt she had on, she grabbed an empty water bottle that was on the car floor and then threw it behind her at Nat.

Nat yelped at the surprise attack on and curled up on the seat, shielding her face with her hands.

" You two stop it," Choo said, swerving the car suddenly to the left, causing the two girls to squeal.

" Choo don't kill us," they said in unison.

" I can't…I'd hurt my car," Choo said sympathetically, patting the dashboard softly.

" I think Choo loves the car more than us," Nat whispered.

" Damn skippy," Choo stated loudly.

" What time is it?"

" Almost twelve."

" What!?!" Kat exclaimed.

" I told you guys to hurry up. Hopefully Trina and Shifra are already there in line."

" What about Greg, Sean, and Travis?"

" Are they really gonna show," Choo said sarcastically.

" I hope so, they really wanted to go to Pirate Night."

" We'll see."

" Aren't you wearing the boots, Choo?" Nat asked. She leaned forward, trying to see Choo's legs.

" Yeah, but they are in the trunk, I can't drive in them."

" Tonight should be fun," Kat stated as Choo parked the car on a residential street.

" This is why I wanted to leave earlier, now we have to walk."

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Kat moaned in horror, clutching the leopard print hat to her bright orange dyed hair. She looked at Choo with her wide hazel eyes; while Choo glared back with her own brown-green ones.

" Let's go party," Nat said, getting out of the car and rearranging the skirt so that a long slit went up the front of her left leg. She then pulled up on her stretchy knee high black boots and stood up straight, pushing her fine straight dark brown hair off her pale face.

Choo was opening the truck getting out knee high black boots and a bright red purse with black skull and crossbones on it as well as a weapon of mass destruction (a large safety pin). She pulled the boots on and zipped them up, straightening her black and white checkered skirt.

" Did you make that, Choo?" Nat asked.

" Yeah, I made it last night," Choo smoothed out the skirt.

" I like the black lace trim," Kat said, " very…uhmmm stylish with the checkers."

They started walking down the street in the dark and fog. Boots clicking on the sidewalk till the turned a corner and saw the Art theater. The building was not old nor was it new, a pink neon sign was above that read Art on it and on the movie showing sign it read The Rocky Horror Picture Show/ Midnight Insanity.

Down the street a line had formed, starting at the ticket booth and going down to the opposite corner. The trio walked closer to the line, noting the people dressed in Goth/punk pirate garb. As they walked past the line they heard a familiar voice and saw Shifra. Her thick curly black hair fell about her deep golden skin. She wore a brown pleated leather skirt, a white shirt under a green and maroon bodice, and brown boots. Next to her was Trina, who stood about four inches taller than her.

" Score, you guys got a place in line," Nat exclaimed as the trio reached Shifra and Trina. They looked each other up and down till Kat yelled.

" Damn Trina, your chest is huge!"

Trina rolled her eyes and looked down at her outfit. Her bodice was the same style as her sister Choo's, only hers was dark blue and brown with copper lacing. She wore a long stiff cream linen shirt under the bodice and tight shiny copper pants tucked into light brown boots. She flipped her unruly dark blonde curls out of her face and smiled.

" What took you guys so long?" Trina asked.

" Natalie took too long," Kat answered. They nodded in agreement and looked around.

" Do you think the boys will show?" Shifra smiled.

" Uhmmmm…No," Choo stated.

" They might, they might not. You never know," Trina added.

" Oh no," Shifra said in horror while pointing to something behind the trio.

" What is it?" Choo asked as they all looked in that direction.

Standing not to far away was another group of three, Maya, Liz, and Peter. Maya stood as the tallest with her short flapper-style dyed black hair and flat pear-shaped body. She wore a cross between black lace lingerie and wench garb. Her long legs encased in thigh high black boots and a black trench coat to complete the outfit. Next to her on the right was Liz, frail looking and small with white blonde hair and ice blue eyes. She stood in the cold air in a red lace bra with matching garter belt and panties under a short black fishnet dress with her thin legs in black thigh-highs and lace up stilettos. On Maya's left was Peter, he was not as tall as Maya but he was stout and broad-shouldered. His sandy blonde hair was spiked and his one grey-blue eye showed, for the other one was covered by an eye patch. He wore a lace up black shirt with matching trousers, boots, and a silver belt.

" I didn't know she was going to be here," Trina said in disappointment.

" Oh poor Trina, want me to kill her for you," Kat asked.

" No," Trina smiled wickedly, " I'll have that honor."

" Insert evil laugh here," Shifra added.

" Let us sing the 'We Hate Maya and Her Two Stupid Minions Song', eh?" Nat asked, and so they chanted to tune of 'Shelia is a Punk Rocker'.

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Maya is a stupid face, yeah,

Oh, Maya is a stupid face,

Maya is a stupid face and gonna dieieieieeeeee.

Maya glared at the group, hearing the song, but it only made them sing louder and worse. Maya stalked over to them, Liz and Peter following close behind. She stood in front of them, her arms crossed over her non-existent chest. She glared mainly at Trina.

" Hello Ugly… I mean Maya," Trina said sweetly.

" I just came over here to warn you people," Maya said smugly.

" About what? Your face imploding and the world becoming a better place?" Kat said hopefully.

Maya glared at her, Choo stepped up.

" Why don't you go away and… throw yourself down the stairs?" Trina laughed at Choo's comment.

Maya and Trina had been friends once but while Trina was in high school they had taken environmental science together. Soon Trina could no longer stand Maya's constant complaining and the smug attitude she had about everything. So whenever Maya would complain, Trina would suggest that she throw herself down the science building stairs, since their class was on the third floor. Maya didn't appreciate that too much.

Maya let out a cry of frustration, which cause some of the other people in line to look over at them.

" Just you wait," Maya seethed, " After tonight I am going to become very powerful and you will fear me."

" Maya dear, you can't even get down most magickal theories. Now go away," Trina said ending with a low and threatening note. Maya turned and they headed inside.

*****

Once inside the small theater the group took the right aisle seats. They sat and watched Midnight Insanity, pirate-style. Just across the aisle, a bit towards the stage, sat Maya and her friends. Trina and Shifra sat behind Choo, Nat, and Kat. Choo turned around to talk to her sister.

" How ya doin'?" Choo asked happily but with some concern.

" Sleepy," Trina replied, she looked over towards Maya and grimaced, turning back to Choo.

" There is something up with them tonight I think…" 

" Where the hell is Greg?" Kat interrupted Trina, who glared at her.

Kat gulped and looked around as if she did not say anything at all. Trina smiled and waved it off. She tapped Choo on the shoulder in front of her. 

" What?" Choo asked.

" What time is it?"

" Five past midnight."

Trina sighed and leaned back.

" Why did you even come tonight?" Choo asked her older sister.

" Pirates, nothing else to do, weird feeling."

" Yea you feel that to."

" I guess, you're the psychic-like one, sort of."

" If you feel weird we could just go home, ok?"

" Ok, but I think I'll make it," Trina said as Kat and the others laughed loudly at something on the stage, " Hopefully."

Choo turned back around and goofed off and sang Pirate Songs with Nat and Kat, while Shifra tried to make Trina's ears fall off. Soon Rocky started and the tradition of speaking to the movie took place. Then came the time of the Time Warp.

Everyone stood up; including Trina and all danced and sang along:

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It's astounding  
Time is fleeting  
Madness takes its toll  
But listen closely

Not for very much longer 

I've got to keep control

As everyone danced along, Choo looked over to where Maya was and saw that she was not dancing but took no thought of it at the moment. Nat was jumping around like an idiot while Kat laughed at her.

I remember doing the Time Warp  
Drinking those moments when  
The blackness would hit me

And the void would be calling 

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Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again

It's just a jump to the left 

And then a step to the right 

With your hands on your hips 

You bring your knees in tight  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane  


Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again

Suddenly a bright flash engulfed the theatre, immediately people started to scream and run as a large pulsating green and blue portal swirled near the group. They saw Maya chanting and the eye of the portal grew brighter as Liz and Peter suddenly jumped in. Maya was just about to jump in when Trina grabbed her and threw her to the ground. They group gathered in front of the now roaring portal.

" Choo!" They heard a voice yell over the noise. They looked toward the exit where most of the people had fled and three boys running toward them. As they approached Maya stuck out her leg and caused the tallest boy with dark hair to fall onto the other boys, who in turn pushed Choo, Nat, and Kat into the portal as well as themselves. Then just as the portal appeared it blinked closed and was gone.

Most of the theatre was empty as Trina reached down and grabbed Maya by her hair while Shifra took Maya's arms. Trina leaned in close to Maya's face.

" I think we should have a little talk."

Aaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxaaxa

There's the first chapter. I hope you all enjoy. Please review, comment, suggest, yell at me, anything really. If you want to send me candy or even a box of sugar that'd be great. - Allaunha


	2. This Sucks

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Shifra's soul. Well I don't actually own she just gave it to me temporally for safe keeping.

Thanks for the review, I hope your aren't as confused after reading this. 

Anything in _italics_ is elvish

This Sucks…

It was at least four hours before dawn on the grassy plain. The Fellowship had found a safe place to sleep near an outcrop of rocks. A light mist fell from the sky, for the weather had been awful for two weeks now. Sitting upon a boulder over-looking the south was Legolas; he had relieved Boromir of his watch only an hour ago. After he had been watching far out into the distance a small rustling from behind caught his attention abruptly.

He slowly got up and looked behind the rock on which he sat. There sat a small girl cowering and shivering. Legolas looked at her in surprise and softly called out to her.

" Lady?" he asked in a hushed tone.

She looked up with wide blue eyes, her white hair sticking to her face from the drizzle. When she moved her head Legolas could clearly see her lack of garments. He leaped down off the boulder, taking off his cloak in the process. He gently handed it to her as she backed against the rock.

" It is safe, Lady. I will not harm you," Legolas said stepping closer slowly, " Take the cloak, it will warm you."

She smiled and stood up as he looked at her clothes and her face. A strange expression crossed it when he heard a muffled sound from the camp. He took his eyes from the girl and turned in the direction of the noise. Suddenly a bright light overtook his vision as he felt something slam him into the rock.

In the camp the others awoke, seeing nothing but a bright light coming from all sides. There was a general confusion and panic from the companions. Gandalf began to chant and the light dimmed. As light slowly returned to its normal intensity Frodo cried out, his hand grasping the front of his tunic.

" The Ring," he cried, " Someone has taken the Ring."

Immediately Aragorn unsheathed his sword and looked about. All the hobbits were present as was Boromir, Gimli, and Gandalf. Only one was missing.

" Where's the elf," Gimli grumbled, Aragorn turned to him and frowned.

" Here," Legolas called as he came out from behind the boulder. He held his forearm tightly where a spot was reddened on his tunic.

" What has happened Legolas?" Aragorn asked, sheathing his sword and stepping closer.

" There was a small maiden, behind the boulder," he gestured behind him, " She was crouching and dressed very sparsely. She seemed very cold and frightened as well. I did not know where she had come from and so I offered her my cloak and was to attempt to draw her out when all I could see was a bright light. The maiden then attacked my from behind and stabbed my arm. When I reached out for her she was gone. What has happened here?"

" Someone has taken the Ring," Gandalf stated.

" We must track them. They cannot be far by now," Boromir added.

" Wait," Legolas said, he looked to Aragorn, " Do you hear it Aragorn?"

" I do," Merry said quietly, Pippin nodding in agreement.

Aragorn listened closely and nodded," They are not far at all." He unsheathed his sword once again.

*****

" Okay, this sucks ass," Kat exclaimed kicking a rock out of her path.

" I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm hungry," Nat whined.

" Natalie if you don't be quiet, we will eat you," Choo stated angrily.

Behind the three girls walked Sean, Greg, and Travis. Travis was the tallest and the… dullest of the boys. He was lanky and long and wore his normal street clothes, jeans and a light blue shirt. His shaggy black hair was covering his light eyes and contrasted with his pale skin. His best friend Sean walked next to him, being as wild as Travis was dull. His hair was a black and blue mohawk and he was dressed in black bondage pants, a black long-sleeve shirt and black vans. Then there was Greg who was a cross between a pirate and Robin Hood. His longish spiked bright blonde hair added to the look of mischief in his bright blue eyes. He caught up with the girls and put his arms around Choo and Kat.

" So, tell me Ladies, do you like peanut butter?" he asked winking and smiling mischievously.

" Uhmmm, yeah…Why?" Choo asked.

" Me too, let's fuck!" Greg exclaimed. Kat and the others laughed hard.

" That is the best pick-up line ever," Choo laughed.

" I have a better one," Travis started, but Choo interrupted him.

" No you don't."

" She's got ya there Travis," Sean said patting his friend on the back. Travis looked down and pouted.

" Where do you think we are?" Nat asked.

" Once we find those two evil demons of hell," Choo started, getting angrier with every word. " We'll know and then beat them up and make them find us food."

" And water," Sean added.

" And…" Nat stopped seeing a group of men and boys with weapons in front of her.

" I wish I had a sword," Kat said wistfully, Choo shot her a dark look

" Yep, this sucks ass," Greg stated.

*****

Aragorn looked over the group of what seemed to be children. The three girls were dressed oddly and quiet inappropriately. The girl with the dark hair and red bag stared him straight in the eye. When he stepped closer the others stepped back but she held her ground.

" Are you friend or foe?" he asked looking over all of them.

" Fo' shizzle my nizzle, it's all goo," Kat said in her best faux ghetto dialect, while putting her fist out to do the 'handshake'.

" Excuse me," Aragorn said, taken aback by the odd response. He looked over to Legolas.

Choo rolled her eyes and looked at Kat, " No more talking for you."

Kat pouted, looking down and kicking her feet in shame like a little kid. Nat giggled but that brought the attention of Aragorn to her. She quickly looked around and pointed to Travis.

" It was his fault," she yelled.

" What…Huh, No!" Travis yelped in confusion.

Legolas leaned over to Aragorn, " _I think they are mad_."

" _I believe that as well_."

" That's rude you know," Choo said.

" Yeah," Kat agreed, " How would you like it if we started speakin' some funny language?"

" Like…Ich muss zu toilet gehen. Ich habe eine schwester. Sie hieb t Trina. Eh, How'd you like that?" Choo put her hands on her hips.

Aragorn shook his head. " Well, my Lady," he said forcefully, " Perhaps you should tell us if you are friend or foe."

" How would I know?" Choo exclaimed, " What if you guys are evil?"

" Evil!" Gimli bellowed. The group looked at him, looked at each other, and shrugged.

" You never know."

" I assure you," Gandalf said stepping closer, " We are not evil, but we have cause to believe that you are."

" Listen," Choo said, putting out her hands to emphasize, " I don't care if you think we are evil or not. We are trying to find two people who are partially responsible for us being here. All we want is to find them, beat them up, get home, and beat them some more."

" What did these two look like?" Legolas asked.

" Ugly," Choo said, with a matter-of-fact tone.

" A girl and a boy, their names are Liz and Peter," Kat added, " Why? Did you see anyone?"

" Perhaps," Boromir said. Nat rolled her eyes.

" The chick has white blonde hair, blue eyes, dressed like a…tramp," Nat said, sitting on a nearby rock.

Legolas looked to Aragorn and nodded, "_That is the maiden who…caught me off guard._"

"_ Do not worry my friend, any of us would have done the same._"

" Dude, speak English you freakin' communists," Kat yelled.

" What is a 'communist'?" Merry asked.

" I know not," Aragorn replied, eyeing Kat suspiciously, " What are…"

" Your names?" Choo interrupted.

" What?"

" I asked for your names."

" I believe that…"

" I was."

" No, my Lady, if you would…"

" La la la la la la la la la la," Choo put her hands over her ears. The rest of the group followed, singing at random and then begun to dance around.

" Well that was fun," Choo said, stopping. " So, what are your names?"

" This is getting tiresome," Gandalf muttered, Legolas nodded in agreement.

" Then just tell us where the two evil minions went, give us some food, and we will be on our happy little way," Choo said smiling.

" Evil minions," Frodo exclaimed, glancing over to Gandalf with a worried expression. Aragorn looked at Choo with a dark expression as he stepped closer to her.

" What are they?" he asked in a low tone.

" Uhmmmm… disillusioned, self-centered, annoying teenagers."

" Whom do they serve?" Boromir asked.

" Maya, themselves. I wonder what Trina is doing to Maya right now?"

" I wish I was there to watch. Do you think she'll take pictures?" Kat thought aloud.

" I hate to interrupt this, well…odd conversation but I'm hungry," Sean said.

" Me too," Greg added.

" Me…" Travis started, but Kat turned to him and put a finger to her lips.

" Shhh, Travis. No talking…Library," she pointed to an invisible sign.

Travis wore a confused look on his face and then looked to Sean who shrugged.

" Aragorn I do not believe that they are a threat. They could even be of some help," Gandalf said.

" So your name is Aragorn," Choo said smiling.

" Yes," he said, giving in and sheathing his sword, " I am Aragorn son of Arathorn," he gestured to his right, " This is Gandalf the Grey."

" Like Laura's little brother," Nat squealed.

" Oh yeah, his name is Gandalf too. That's so weird," Kat exclaimed.

Aragorn looked to Gandalf who merely shrugged, he turned back to the group of children.

" This is Boromir son of Denethor, Gimli son of Glò in, Legolas son of Thranduil and the hobbits…"

" Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took," Merry interrupted.

" And these fine hobbits here are Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee," Pippin added, " You can call me Pippin."

" Pimpin'?" Kat pondered, " Nice names, where are your hoes?"

Pippin gave a confused look to Merry.

" Why would I bring a hoe? I won't be gardening or anything of that sort."

" Huh? Gardening…oh," Kat giggle, " Never mind Pimpin'." 

" And your names?" Legolas asked.

" I'm Christina, daughter of Connie, but nobody calls me that so its just Choo," she stated and then looked to Kat.

" I'm Kathryn, daughter of Darlene, just call me Kat," she said bowing a bit.

" Ummm… I'm Natalie," Nat said shyly.

" And I, good sirs, am Greg, son of Timtammylaopiterynimbuos, and King of Andorra, the Land of Peanut Butter. By the way, do you like peanut butter?"

" No Greg," Choo said, trying not to laugh, " No peanut butter."

" Aw shucks," Greg said, snapping his fingers in defeat.

" I'm Sean… ummm son of… Sean. Nice to meet you guys."

" I'm Travis, son of…"

" No Travis we all know you are a loveless orphaned child," Kat said with false sympathy.

Travis pouted and looked at the ground, and then he looked up, " What…No…"

" Shh, Travis. It's okay. We understand."

" Are you truly orphaned?" Boromir asked.

" No, they," he pointed at Choo, " Just hate me."

" Why the hell are you pointing at me?" Choo yelled. She stalked over to him as he backed up it a tree.

" I'm sorry Choo," Travis pleaded, shielding his face with his hands.

" Damn right your sorry," she turned away muttering.

" We should be looking for the Ring," Frodo said to Aragorn. 

" Huh?" Choo asked.

" Come with us. We will go back to the camp then start the search," Aragorn said. He walked back towards where they came. The others followed.

" There's food there right?" Sean asked hopefully.


	3. Plans, Vulcans, & Coconuts

Author's Notes: I'm so very sorry for not updating sooner. Giant writer's block that I kept running into. Thank you for the reviews, they make me so happy. I've already started writing the next chapter so I will update soon. I mean no offense to Vegans or Vegetarians, some of my good and dear friends are ones.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Shifra, well I only have her soul for safe keeping while she's away at college; or that's at least what she thinks. Bwah ha ha ha ha ::cough:: ha. 

Chapter Three: Plans, Vulcans, and Coconuts

" Trina, it scares me that you're good at this," Shifra said as she sat in the deep green couch of Trina's living room. The only light came from a lamp that made the room seem warm and cozy. Half of the walls were painted with a soft green, while the others were cream. A large stone fireplace took up most up the far wall and contrasted well with the honey-colored wood floor. Shifra set down her glass onto the stone and oak table and looked at Trina.

" What can I say," Trina shrugged, " I've read too much."

Next to the fireplace was a computer chair to which Maya was bound. Her mouth was taped shut.

" So when is your Mom coming back?"

" In a month or so. She finally found a boyfriend with a Winnebago and a retirement plan," Trina pondered a bit, " I've decided that Choo is at your house if she calls."

" Good plan. Now what are we going to do with that," Shifra pointed to Maya.

" I wonder… what would Jesus do?"

" How the hell should we know? You're Wiccan and I'm Jewish."

" Exactly! Jesus was Jewish so therefore you should know what to do."

" Trina that actually made some sense."

" I know it's scary."

" Let's tickle her."

" Oh Shifra," Trina said while rolling her eyes. She stopped her pacing in the room." Let's keep her in Choo's room and deal with her in the morning."

Shifra nodded and they both moved the chair out of the living room, through the small hallway and into Choo's very purple and lavender smelling room. Katrina patted Maya on the head.

" See you in the morning."

*****

" So now, what's this 'Ring'?" Kat asked using her fingers to make air quotations for the word ring.

" It is a thing of evil," Aragorn stated.

" So why did you guys have it?" Greg questioned.

" To destroy it, why else would we have it?" Gimli answered gruffly.

The sun was just beginning to rise over the Misty Mountains when they had arrived back to the camp. They had begun to search for clues and it was Kat who noticed some glitter on the plain some seventy yards away from the camp. Aragorn saw that the tracks started there and headed south, and so here they were two hours later still following the clues of their trails.

" What do you suppose they want the Ring for?" Merry asked.

" Maya," Choo said.

" Hmmm," Gandalf turned around, " You mentioned this Maya before."

" Yea, she's a bitch," Kat said.

Gandalf winced a bit, as did the other companions of the fellowship, at her use of strong language.

" Why would she want the Ring?"

" She wants power…oh…that's probably what she was talking about when we first saw her in line."

" Is she powerful?" Frodo asked.

The group of teens laughed hard, having to stop walking and even falling over a bit. The fellowship looked at them oddly until Aragorn interrupted them. 

" She was powerful enough to get all of you here and have two followers with powers as well."

" That was Travis' fault," Nat said.

" It was not," Travis fought back.

" If you had watched where you were running, which you shouldn't have been in the first place, you would not've tripped and pushed us into the portal-thingy," Choo snapped.

" No, this is what happened," he started, " We got there late and everyone was like running out of the building, ok? So I was like ' Hey Sean, we better go help the girls', so we ran and…"

" You TRIPPED AND PUSHED US IN!" Kat yelled.

" Maya tripped me," Travis said.

" You still tripped," Greg added.

" Oh… you guys are mean," Travis pouted.

" Pardon my interruption," Gandalf interjected, " Lady Choo, did you say something about a portal?"

" Yea, we were just dancing to the Time Warp when Maya, I guess, opened this freaky portal."

" Well that explains your strange dress and speech."

" We don't usually dress like this. It was Pirate Night."

" Pirates?"

" You know," Kat started, "Privateers, Freebooters, Picaroons, Rovers, Sea Robbers, Marauders, Looters, Sea Wolves, Buccaneers, Knights of Templar, Corsairs…"

" Oh yes corsairs. Why would you dress as one and have a Night for them?"

" Because," Kat cleared her throat, "When it all comes down to it, wouldn't you rather be a pirate…ummm…corsair?"

" Who plays rugby," Choo added.

" No," the fellowship answered.

" Well screw you then," Kat burst out, crossing her arms over her chest.

" Well maybe," Pippin added, everyone looked at him but he just shrugged.

" I must say, Lady Kat, that you use of language is quite…foul," Sam noted.

" Do I speak chicken language?" Kat asked in confusion, looking at Choo.

" No I think he spoke of Turkeys," Choo answered.

" Score! I speak Turkish," Kat jumped around.

" What is Turkish anyway?" Nat asked, " Is it Arabic?"

" I'm not sure," Greg entered the conversation, " I think it uses a variation of the Roman alphabet."

" Where's Trina when you need her?" Kat asked to the sky.

" Who is Trina?" Aragorn asked.

" Choo's sister, the Trina-meister. She is most likely sleeping or torturing Maya right now," Nat said.

" How do you figure that?" Pippin asked.

" When Maya first opened the portal, she was about to jump in too but Trina stopped her."

" She has a large chest," Kat added. Everyone looked at her, " Well she does! You all know you picture her naked."

" I don't," Choo stated, " That'd just be gross."

" Even I picture her naked and I'm straight," Nat said.

" Ha, ha… I'm a lesbian so I can without questioning my sexuality," Kat said, pointing at Nat.

" The tracks move up that hill," Aragorn said, trying to ignore the insanity, " Legolas do you see anything."

Legolas looked up the hill and saw what appeared to be clothing of some kind. It was an article of clothing Liz had been wearing.

" Yes, I see the maiden's garments but that is all."

Aragorn looked thoughtful and turned to Gandalf.

" Could this be an attempt to divert us from the track?"

" Perhaps, it is quite unclear what has happened at all."

" Maybe there's a clue," Sean said.

" Dude it was Colonel Mustard, in the atrium, with the brandy snifter," Greg said in revelation.

" Atrium," Kat yelped, " What's with the fancy word?"

" I dunno."

" It was Mrs. Peacock, in the kitchen, with the gardening shears," Nat said, " She was trying to throw us off track."

" I knew it!" Choo exclaimed, " I'm hungry."

" Is that all you children do," Boromir said, " Ramble and complain?"

" Yes," they answered.

" We're hungry too!" Merry added while Pippin nodded.

Aragorn sighed and looked to hill, " We will see what is up there and break our fast. Come."

He started a hushed conversation with Gandalf as they walked away.

" 'Break our fast'," Travis pondered, " What does that mean?"

" Breakfast, dumbass," Choo snapped as she walked by him, slapping the back of his head in the process. She followed Legolas and Gimli who were behind Aragorn and Gandalf.

" So I was wondering," Choo said when she caught up with Legolas and Gimli. They both looked at her, " What are you guys?"

" I am an Elf," Legolas stated with pride.

" An Elf," Choo scratched her head, "ummm… shouldn't you be shorter and with a pointy hat?"

Legolas looked shocked but Gimli began to laugh heartily. Choo turned to him.

" And you?"

" I, Lady Choo, am a Dwarf."

" See," she looked at Legolas, " That makes sense, but you are not an Elf, Sidhe perhaps, but not an Elf."

" And how would you know that?" Legolas asked, slightly put off by her statements.

" 'Cause there's an Elf in her house that steals things and hides them, like forks," Kat said joining Choo.

" An Elf would never do such a thing."

" Says you. How would you know crazy Vulcan-guy?"

" I am an Elf," Legolas said in frustration, " What is a Vulcan?"

" A Vulcan… like Spock. Oh that's right you don't have Star Trek here. Poor deprived Vulcan," Kat patted Legolas on the back and walked past him. Leaving him looking confused and annoyed. Gimli the whole while had been laughing and begun to laugh harder as Legolas shot him a dark look then starting up the hill again, as Choo and Gimli laughed more. He reached Aragorn and Gandalf who stared at him then Gimli and then him again. Aragorn smirked.

" Is there a problem Legolas?" Aragorn asked.

" These children are…" Legolas paused, searching for a word in his frustration, " bothersome."

" I would think Master Elf that you would have the most tolerance of them," Gandalf added smiling.

" Yes, well it is quite difficult for any being to tolerate madness. Unless," he looked down the hill again, " One is as dense as a dwarf."

Legolas started up the hill leaving Aragorn and Gandalf smiling and following after him.

At the bottom of the line traveling up the hill were Greg, Pippin, and Merry. Greg was trying to explain the concept of Monty Python.

" So, you are saying that these people were using…coconuts as horses?" Merry asked in confusion.

" What is a coconut?" Pippin asked.

" It is a wonderful object from a paradise of green. They also have milk inside them," Greg answered.

" Is it an animal?"

" No, it's food."

" They were riding food?"

" No, they used the coconut to make the sound of horse hoofs."

" So they were just walking?" Merry asked in more confusion.

" Actually they were pretending like they were riding a horse."

" Why would they do that?"

" 'Cause its funny." 

" It is?" Pippin asked

" If you saw it, you'd laugh."

" I'll take your word for it."

" Good. Good."

" Are you truly a King in your world?"

" A King of all the ladies, yeah."

" You wish," Nat called from up ahead where she walked with Boromir.

" Oh you know I am Natalie."

" Yeah, so?"

" You're weird, freakin' hippy."

Natalie pouted and turned back, walking closely behind Boromir.

" What is a hippy?" Boromir asked cautiously, looking back at Nat. She looked up surprised.

" Oh it's a term for people who… are anti-war and eat organic food, and who don't eat meat."

" You do not eat meat?"

" No, I believe that we shouldn't mistreat and slaughter animals for our selfish purposes."

" Selfish purposes? You mean survival."

" A person can survive without meat."

" I would have to disagree with you Lady Natalie."

" How would you know?" Natalie said smugly.

" I have traveled to many places and seen want lack of meat does to people. It is quite unhealthy," Boromir stated gravely.

" Then they aren't eating healthy. One can survive on fruits and vegetables and bread. People who think otherwise are just ignorant."

Boromir stopped and turned, " Where would the poor find these fruit and vegetables in the dead of winter? What happens when the crop fails? What of those traveling over a long period of time through the plains and woodlands? Must they starve so that your precious animals can live?"

" You can live without."

" Let us see if you can withstand this journey without meat."

" I can."

" Have you traveled before?"

" Yes."

" How far… on foot?"

" Uhmmm… on foot?"

" Yes."

" I dunno. This is stupid." Natalie walked quickly ahead avoiding the conversation while behind her Boromir shook his head.

As they all reached the top of the hill, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gandalf looked at the clothing while the others sat down and Sam started to unpack some food to cook. Next to him Frodo sat looking at the ground distracted by his thoughts and did not notice Travis and Sean who sat next to him. Across from them sat Pippin, Merry, Greg, and Choo who were playing Tic Tac Toe in the dirt, while Nat fought with Kat over a rock to sit on. Boromir and Gimli joined Aragorn and the others.

" The tracks continue on from here," Aragorn said to Boromir and Gimli, " After we have eaten we should follow them as quickly as possibly."

" I agree," Boromir said, as Gimli nodded.

" I will scout up ahead some," Legolas said.

Aragorn agreed and turned to face the rest of the now larger group, he sighed and hoped nothing else unexpected would happen.


End file.
